Why I don’t like being hit on. Nor dances.

My posts recently have been rather selfish. I write about what interests me and if it turns out to interest you is secondary. So I thought I’d write a post that might be slightly more interesting to you, my readership.

I don’t like being hit on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s flattering, but I don’t enjoy thinking about the possible consequences. I think girls tend to think that guys are so different, but in reality we react just the same as girls, but in the context of different gendered social norms. I’ll use a real example. Last night I went to a play. Before it started I was sitting there in the sparse seating reading a book. A girl three seats over leans over a bit and asks, “Is that any good?” followed by “What’s it about?”. We chat for a while about this and that…. She’s a middle child of 7, from Idaho, graduated then went on a mission, then moved back here to Provo (that tells me a LOT already). She was very friendly. Ok, so far what’s gone on? The attention from this girl is flattering. Have you seen the movie Notting Hill? Toward the end a character says, ‘Well, it’s pretty great if anyone likes you’. Guy or girl it’s always nice to get attention from someone (unless it’s a consistent pattern of creepy weirdos).

So ladies, if you like a guy, or would like to get to know a boy better, don’t be afraid to show it a bit. One time I took my friend Cadi to a ward meal. The tacos were fantastic Cadi and I were sitting there chatting when we were approached by a little girl in my ward that I didn’t know personally. She came up to me, introduced herself as Makenna, and without further beating around the bush asked if I would join her for dinner on Monday night. I couldn’t believe my ears! I looked at Cadi and she was shocked too. If you see a guy in your ward bring an unidentified girl with him to a ward activity, wouldn’t you give them some space? Wouldn’t that be an inappropriate time to hit on a guy? I thought about telling the girl, “can I bring my fiancée?” just to see if she had NOTICED I BROUGHT A GIRL WITH ME!! I said sure and she walked off. That night I asked Makenna about her gutsy move. Didn’t you see I was paired off with a girl? What if we were dating or something? Her response was classic. She said, I thought about that, but I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a few weeks and finally got the courage to. I saw you brought a girl with you but I thought I’d still try. Wow! Her unabashed courage paid off and we began dating. Makenna is a real life hero of mine for having a pair of brass ones. Haha.

Anyways, I thought it was a super gutsy story. But I thought your post was about why you don’t LIKE being hit on! True that. So back to my original story. So the girl and I chat before the play, blah, blah, and I’m cool with that. The part I hate is ‘the doorway scene’; the part where you go your separate ways. When it was time to go, I said bye, and just walked away. Ouch, I hate doing that. I’m sure girls are the same as boys- if you put yourself out there in whatever degree and the opposite gender doesn’t jump at the chance to be with you, it stings a little or a lot. It’s never pleasant when you are courageous enough to approach a girl only to have her be polite, but walk away. For girls I’d imagine it is even worse. If I were a girl and guys didn’t pay much attention to me, so I decide to be a little more assertive and approach boys myself, and they STILL don’t take the bait, I’d be a bit hard on myself too. Girls have super lots of self esteem problems. I’m trying to think of a SINGLE girl I know that doesn’t have self-esteem problems. Best case scenario it’s a mild self-confidence issue. I’m don’t believe that every girl I brush off cries herself to sleep that night, but I do know that when a girl is brushed aside consistently they ask themselves, ‘what’s wrong with me’? How many times have I heard that one. I don’t mean to trivialize it, just point out that it’s so common that I hate shutting down the approach of a girl.

That’s why I hate dances. Besides the minor detail that I can’t dance and don’t like it (a high correlation I admit), I hate walking through the dance floor and catching the eye of a girl as a slow song starts and walking past her. If I’m at a dance, and I don’t feel like slow dancing for whatever reason, as soon as a slow song starts… everyone pairs off… and you’re standing around… and you make eye contacts with a lone girl, standing there as her friends are dancing. If you are any sort of gentleman, you’d ask her to dance. If not, if you just nod and walk away, I’m not saying you’ve ruined her life, but if she doesn’t get asked to dance that night, you’re a jerk. Here’s a story I’ve heard a time or two: a 14, 15 year old girl out there way very excited to go to a dance. She bought a new dress, talked to her friends about how fun it’s going to be. The night of, she puts on too much perfume and is still in that awkward make up stage where she hasn’t perfected the art of ‘not too much eyeliner’. At the dance she giggles with her friends and talks about how handsome the boys are. However, when the slow songs start, boys pass by to ask her friends to dance. But not her. She stands there, looking around, trying not to look uncomfortable as the song plays and the couples chat. The night seems to be getting longer and longer as she is passed over. Even when she makes contact with a boy, he quickly glances away and keeps walking by. At one point in the night, a young man does approach her and asks her to for a dance. She sheepishly smiles, takes his hand and is led out onto the dance floor. She goes home at the end of the night and her mom asks her if she had a good time. Sometimes the girl says “I had a great time!”, other times she cries, “No one asked me to dance”. In this senario, she tells her mom all about the boy who asked her to dance. That mother let’s the boy’s mother know, “Thank you so much, your son was the only one to ask my daughter to dance, and it made her night.”